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Who Comes First in Your House?

After reading this article I started thinking about the rules of my own household. The honest truth is that no one person always comes first – whoever needs the most attention at that point will get it. For the past year or so, due to one reason and another, our eldest daughter has needed much more tlc than our youngest. I’m certain the tables will turn some time in the near future though – probably coinciding with the terrible twos. In June my husband started studying for a professional qualification as well as working full time. This means I’ve taken the girls out at weekends to give him some peace and quiet to work. Come Xmas time when his last assignment has been handed in he’ll be returning the favour, because I’ll be heavily pregnant and need the peace more than he does.

Certainly for the greater good of our family dynamic, it’s best not to have a clear cut hierarchy system in place. As a couple my hubby & I spend 95% of our evenings together, which affords us precious alone time. (I’m leaving a generous 5% for the rare occasion one of us goes out to dinner or has to go away with work.) We eat, talk about our days and usually watch a film or a program or two if we’re working our way through a TV series. We also used to book the odd day off work as annual leave while the kids were at nursery and have hours and hours of just us. It was bliss and a day always included good food, a few drinks and great natter.

Of the ten golden rules at the end of the article, I agree with most of them and have written about a handful in previous posts. I think top of the list for me has to be communication – without it I can’t see how any marriage will ever go the distance and survive long term. Here are a few examples of how we’re getting through the early years in one piece!

– our girls are always in bed around 6:30pm which is the key to us being able to have an evening together

– to avoid bottled up resentment we bicker every day and get it out of our systems

– if there is a problem with us or the girls we talk about it, and never leave anything open for assumption. To assume just makes an ASS of U & ME!

– although we have our own interests we socialise mainly as a couple or family, and don’t spend too much time outside the family home

– we are loyal to each other. There is nothing worse than a person bitching and moaning to anyone that will listen about how crap their other half is

– we are pragmatic about our lack of sex life and know it’ll come back one day when the kids are a bit older. I’m pretty sure that we are both so utterly exhausted all the time, neither of us would have the inclination to even ponder the thought of extra marital bedroom antics…

What are your top tips? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section!

mummytries

Full time wife and mummy to three, home educator, blogger, wannabee chef and published author. Follow me on my journey through life...

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14 Comments

  1. Some brilliant tips 🙂 Thank goodness we are not the only ones who bicker everyday (love that word!) Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

  2. Yes, I can’t think how many times I have been annoyed by people assuming.

    Of course people generally don’t mean anything bad by it, and I guess it’s up to me not to mind so much, but it often feels then as if the other person is just projecting themselves onto my situation and what they think of it from their experience, not really interested in what I have think about it.

  3. Thank you!

  4. Thanks Izzie. I completely forgot to add a GSOH – which is of course essential! Unfortunately in heated moments it can be lost a little… a smile goes a long way when you’ve had a rough day though 😉

  5. Thanks Cathie. It’s great that you have the same rule in your house -makes all the difference 🙂

  6. Thanks for your kind comment Denise. I feel that not assuming is really important, not just in a marriage but in any life situation.

  7. naughty nights away here we come 😉

  8. 1createblogs says:

    thanks ! nice post!

  9. All good advice and yes, the dynamics of a family is always on the move! I’d probably add – have a sense of humour to the list. My hubby knows how to cheer me up when things aren’t going so well and it most definitely helps.

  10. I like this – it’s always hard to find a balance, especially when one or more partner is working fulltime. I also follow the ASSUME rule – it’s one ofmy favourites #PoCoLo

  11. I don’t think I can any better tip than the one you give about assumptions. I am so glad that you both understand how important it is to talk. I like too that you are patient and know that you are both working towards a time beyond this when things will be different and you will have more time for each other.

  12. wow i am loving Afras idea there too, we seriously need some couple time too!!

  13. I love this idea! There’s actually a Travelodge just 15 mins down the road and loads of bars and restaurants… sure we can rope the in-laws in for an overnight once a year 😉

  14. we used to book one night a year in a nearby budget hotel – usually cost around £40 and was close enough to dash home in 20 mins if there was a problem. You can normally find someone who doesnt mind babysitting one night. Meal in (crap but close) restaurant next door, bottle of wine, bedroom fun and a full nights sleep. Slap up breakfast then home. Felt more like a holiday than a week away with kids!

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