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crisis plan

They say a good friend is like your favourite bra – there to support and prop you up. Being pregnant means that I’ve had to give up underwire along with gin, so most days out of comfort I wear a vest underneath my clothes. I hate getting all woe is me, but it feels like my unsupported boobs are an analogy for my life today. The downside of being estranged from my family and having in-laws that are as useful as a chocolate teapot is that I rely entirely on friends in an hour of need. As wonderful as they are on the whole, they’ve all got their own crap to be dealing with which is bad news for lil ole me.

My husband is great, but right now he’s got loads on at work, is in the midst of studying for a professional qualification and he’s also taking the brunt of the night wakings. Between our two girls we’ve been up every night for almost two weeks. I can’t really put too much extra onto the poor guy as soon as he walks through the door.

My friends are all busy though – and even when I do see [some of] them they are so distracted they’re hardly listening to a word I say. Perhaps they’re too used to me just coping and being the strong one, surviving on three, fours hours sleep and not thinking anything of it? Perhaps they are just simply wrapped up in their own lives and haven’t got the capacity to support me? Whatever the reasons it’s still hurtful, because I always go out of my way to support them. I listen dutifully to conversations, respond to text messages as soon as I can and am on hand to lend a sympathetic ear. Things have got bad in the past and I have literally had to jump up and down and scream HELP ME in faces.

That’s all a bit dramatic though, and hopefully I’m just having a little wobble. I am pregnant after all, and have to take hormones into consideration. It’s okay to accept this for what it is, have a crappy day and feel a bit sorry for myself every now and then. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be in a better place. Next time someone asks how I’m feeling I’m tempted to say ‘shitty actually thanks for asking though!’ But it’s not really the done thing, is it?!

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