Things I Say vs Things I Mean

Things I Say vs Things I Mean
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“YOLO” my friend wrote underneath my Facebook status the other day. I had no idea what it meant, so consulted with the Urban Dictionary and discovered that ‘you only live once’, which I wholeheartedly agree with. It got me thinking that there are plenty of things I say throughout the course of the day, that I don’t necessarily mean.

Here are some of my favourite dual meaning phrases

“I’m going to the toilet to do a big stinky poo!” roughly translates to: I’m going to hide in the loo to catch up on social media for the only ten minutes this entire day that I’m likely to get a bit of peace.

“Let me take a photo of you guys to send to Daddy.” roughly translates to: I’m going to plaster your faces all over Facebook, Twitter and IG, but you won’t smile if I tell you that.

“I’m just quickly texting Daddy.” roughly translates to: I’m going to see how many emails I can plough through in the next five minutes, before you start kicking off about me being on my phone.

“Just a minute darling.” roughly translates to: it’ll probably take at least half an hour to finish this task.

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies“Hurry up and get ready or we’re going to miss the train!” roughly translates to: I’m telling myself to get a move on, because I’m the least ready member of the family right now.

“This is a chocolate milkshake.” roughly translates to: this is the only way to sneak some goodness into your diet (Freddy, I’m looking directly at you here). By flavouring it with chocolate, I can get you to eat avocado, spinach, egg yolk, yoghurt and banana in one fell swoop. Here’s a great recipe, just in case you’re interested.

“I’m going out with my mummy friends.” roughly translates to: I’m going to get over excited, drink way too much gin, fall asleep on the train home and end up at Gatwick Airport #truestory.

Do you say things that have a dual meaning? Tweet me your faves @mummytries

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