I was supposed to go to River Cottage and hang out with the chefs next week, but had to cancel due to childcare constraints. You can’t imagine how gutted I was when I realised this would be the case, but I think deep deep down, if I’m being honest, I never thought I would end up going. It was a big ask, staying in Devon for two whole days, and I don’t even know if I was ready to be away from the kids and hubby for that long anyway.
Whilst I’m not averse to having a little bit of a sulk when things go south at the last minute, I can take the knocks on the nose. I once had a raging social life, not that you’d ever believe it if you were to see me right now, sitting in my pj’s at 9pm, gearing up to go bed. This isn’t even an early night, it’s just normal bedtime (our only defence against being woken up multiple times every night, by a variation of our three kids, but that’s a whole other story).
I’d be lying if I said a small part of me didn’t feel a little envious when Facebook tells me that my friends are painting the town red, but I console myself with the knowledge that I truly lived life to the max before I had my children. It’s good to remind myself of those times every now and then, as long as the rose coloured spectacles have been removed first.
What I used to be
I used to be the life and soul of the party.
I used to be carefree.
I used to be The Renster.
I used to be everyone’s best freind.
I used to be a borderline alcoholic.
I used to be a mess come Sunday night.
I used to cry myself to sleep, and hope that the pain of a tragic childhood would one day erase itself from my mind.
I used to think the life I have right now would never happen for me. That it would be impossible because I was too messed up.
I used to dream of having a family of my own one day.
What I am now
I am wife to an amazing husband.
I am mummy to three gorgeous children.
I am stable and secure.
I am a friend to many.
I am the head chef of my kitchen.
I am a writer.
I am a dreamer.
I am tenacious and determined to succeed in life.
To the naked eye I’m just a wife and mum, but I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that I am not ‘just’ anything.
The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. Even with the challenges I face on a daily basis, I would not swap this life with my previous one.
Even if it was a lot of fun in parts.