Autism Parenting

The Circle of Life and Monumentally Difficult Decisions

Newborn Miss. C with her Grandpa in 2012
Newborn Miss. C with her Grandpa in 2012

It’s been chaos in our house these last two weeks. Literally and metaphorically. When hubby and I got home from our day off (which wasn’t even a fortnight ago but feels like so much longer), we were met with the news that his granddad had taken a turn for the worst, and he passed away that night.

I don’t think you can ever prepare yourself for death, but at least this is the natural order of things. Granddad was 85, and had had a good innings, but that’s not to say that my mother in law will be any less grief stricken due to his age. He was still her dad after all.

I only ever knew my beloved Grandma when I was growing up, and she died far too  young, not even getting to celebrate her 60th birthday. I feel that it’s been an absolute privilege for my children to have had some time with their Nana and Grandpa.

People do not live forever, and Granddad had been very unwell for a long time. His death was completely expected, yet still shocking when it happened.

It’s the funeral today, and it has led me to think about the often difficult decisions we have to make in our lives. Some things eat us up inside at the time, but when all is said and done, and we’re lying on our deathbed, will they still be causing our head to spin? Certain things yes, for example, if I never see my mother (whom I’ve been estranged from for ten years) ever again, then I can imagine there would be a lot of regret for her. A lot of unfinished business that didn’t get resolved.

That’s what it all boils down to I think: regrets and unfinished business.

I’ve spoken before about how I don’t view many of my past mistakes as regrets, because they have all in some way or another helped to make me who I am. If I had never been through mental breakdown and rock bottom, then I know for certain I would not have made enough life changes to be as capable a mum and wife as I am today.

I was asked recently by fellow blogger Michelle of The Joy Chaser what makes me happy. My answer to this question is simple: in order to be happy, I need to ensure I’m making good decisions and have a clear conscience. This is not always as straight forward as it sounds though.

In my house right now, we have some monumentally tough decisions being made (I can’t really say more than that today). They are decisions that will have a lasting effect on my family, and are not being taken lightly, far far from it. I am sure that we will come up against opposition, but that’s always going to be the way. No-one ever did something great by taking the path of least resistance. In my experience the most difficult and agonising decisions usually lead to the best outcomes and opportunities.

So wish me luck, and all will shortly be revealed.

I’m going to leave you with one of my all time favourite songs, Pass in Time by the awesome Beth Orton.

RIP Granddad.

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  1. Thanks my lovely, it’s been a tough few months (year even) but feels like things are on the up… Fingers crossed xxx

  2. So sorry for your loss. My nan died last year, and even though she had had a wonderful innings and left behind such a powerful legacy in the form of the family she had nurtured it still felt that she was being taken too soon. I guess it always does.

    As to the big decisions – I have no doubt that you will choose the right path. Looking forward to reading your updates xx

  3. Thanks so much Jo. Unfortunately my best friend’s dad passed away on Monday (exactly two weeks later) so my eldest and (to an extent) middle girl are both much more understanding than they were this time last month. They have to learn about death sooner or later, but it’s been a bit much even for me. Here’s to the rest of November being uneventful!

  4. Thank you very much lovely Ella xx

  5. Oh dear hon, dementia sounds like an awful disease 🙁 The tough decisions have now been made, all will be revealed very soon xx

  6. Thank you my darling, it was always going to be sad, regardless of age. It’s Andy’s mum I feel for the most xx

  7. Thanks so much Maddy, lots going on (and no book writing being done surprise surprise) but I know it’s all for the greater good. Hope you’re well xxx

  8. Thank you my lovely friend, all will be revealed shortly… but you know everything anyway 😉 xxx

  9. Thanks so much hon, that means a lot xx

  10. Oh R, I’m so sorry to hear about Granddad 🙁 It’s never easy, even if they have had a long life. Big hugs to you all, and I’ll always champion your family decisions- I love how you really think things though and then make a strong decision when it comes to your family. Big hugs x

  11. RIP Granddad.

    I haven’t had many experiences with death in my own personal life, and I can’t imagine that you’re ever fully prepared to lose someone permanently. I consider this often, and it causes me a great amount of pain and worry when I think of it happening to my family.

    I’m wishing you much luck and positive thoughts regarding all of the imminent changes. xx

  12. So sorry about Granddad’s death and I hope the funeral went as well as could be expected. I have no doubt that you’ll navigate your way through the monumental decisions – thinking of you. xxx

  13. Thanks lovely xx

  14. I’m so sorry to hear about A’s grandfather, heartbreaking even when expected. It sounds like another tough week for you, sending love x

  15. So so sorry to hear about the death of A’s grandfather. Even when you expect someone to pass away and they’ve had a great life, it is so, so tough to say goodbye. I hope you are all OK. Thinking of you loads. x

  16. Oh hun I’m so sorry about Granddad, it is really tough when someone we love passes away. I remember when my Nan passed away a few years ago it broke my heart. I hadn’t seen her for a few years and she’d been suffering from dementia so she had no idea who I was anymore. Still though, it was tough.
    You’re right though, those tough decisions can take us to amazing places. Good luck. xx

  17. So sorry once again for your loss and I hope the funeral went as well as these things can. Very cryptic about the big decisions but whatever they are I hope you find answers that work for you. Big hugs, Ella X

  18. Condolences on your family’s loss. It’s always a difficult time when a much loved member of the family passes, especially for little ones who don’t always understand. I hope your coming decisions are the right ones for all of you and bring nothing but happiness and joy to you all.

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