It’s been chaos in our house these last two weeks. Literally and metaphorically. When hubby and I got home from our day off (which wasn’t even a fortnight ago but feels like so much longer), we were met with the news that his granddad had taken a turn for the worst, and he passed away that night.
I don’t think you can ever prepare yourself for death, but at least this is the natural order of things. Granddad was 85, and had had a good innings, but that’s not to say that my mother in law will be any less grief stricken due to his age. He was still her dad after all.
I only ever knew my beloved Grandma when I was growing up, and she died far too young, not even getting to celebrate her 60th birthday. I feel that it’s been an absolute privilege for my children to have had some time with their Nana and Grandpa.
People do not live forever, and Granddad had been very unwell for a long time. His death was completely expected, yet still shocking when it happened.
It’s the funeral today, and it has led me to think about the often difficult decisions we have to make in our lives. Some things eat us up inside at the time, but when all is said and done, and we’re lying on our deathbed, will they still be causing our head to spin? Certain things yes, for example, if I never see my mother (whom I’ve been estranged from for ten years) ever again, then I can imagine there would be a lot of regret for her. A lot of unfinished business that didn’t get resolved.
That’s what it all boils down to I think: regrets and unfinished business.
I’ve spoken before about how I don’t view many of my past mistakes as regrets, because they have all in some way or another helped to make me who I am. If I had never been through mental breakdown and rock bottom, then I know for certain I would not have made enough life changes to be as capable a mum and wife as I am today.
I was asked recently by fellow blogger Michelle of The Joy Chaser what makes me happy. My answer to this question is simple: in order to be happy, I need to ensure I’m making good decisions and have a clear conscience. This is not always as straight forward as it sounds though.
In my house right now, we have some monumentally tough decisions being made (I can’t really say more than that today). They are decisions that will have a lasting effect on my family, and are not being taken lightly, far far from it. I am sure that we will come up against opposition, but that’s always going to be the way. No-one ever did something great by taking the path of least resistance. In my experience the most difficult and agonising decisions usually lead to the best outcomes and opportunities.
So wish me luck, and all will shortly be revealed.
I’m going to leave you with one of my all time favourite songs, Pass in Time by the awesome Beth Orton.