Who comes first in your house?

After reading this article I started thinking about the rules of my own household. The honest truth is that no one person always comes first – whoever needs the most attention at that point will get it. For the past year or so, due to one reason and another, our eldest daughter has needed much more tlc than our youngest. I’m certain the tables will turn some time in the near future though – probably coinciding with the terrible twos. In June my husband started studying for a professional qualification as well as working full time. This means I’ve taken the girls out at weekends to give him some peace and quiet to work. Come Xmas time when his last assignment has been handed in he’ll be returning the favour, because I’ll be heavily pregnant and need the peace more than he does.

Certainly for the greater good of our family dynamic, it’s best not to have a clear cut hierarchy system in place. As a couple my hubby & I spend 95% of our evenings together, which affords us precious alone time. (I’m leaving a generous 5% for the rare occasion one of us goes out to dinner or has to go away with work.) We eat, talk about our days and usually watch a film or a program or two if we’re working our way through a TV series. We also used to book the odd day off work as annual leave while the kids were at nursery and have hours and hours of just us. It was bliss and a day always included good food, a few drinks and great natter.

Of the ten golden rules at the end of the article, I agree with most of them and have written about a handful in previous posts. I think top of the list for me has to be communication – without it I can’t see how any marriage will ever go the distance and survive long term. Here are a few examples of how we’re getting through the early years in one piece!

– our girls are always in bed around 6:30pm which is the key to us being able to have an evening together

– to avoid bottled up resentment we bicker every day and get it out of our systems

– if there is a problem with us or the girls we talk about it, and never leave anything open for assumption. To assume just makes an ASS of U & ME!

– although we have our own interests we socialise mainly as a couple or family, and don’t spend too much time outside the family home

– we are loyal to each other. There is nothing worse than a person bitching and moaning to anyone that will listen about how crap their other half is

– we are pragmatic about our lack of sex life and know it’ll come back one day when the kids are a bit older. I’m pretty sure that we are both so utterly exhausted all the time, neither of us would have the inclination to even ponder the thought of extra marital bedroom antics…

What are your top tips? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section!

Linking up to #PoCoLo over at http://vevivos.com

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Beware: The Self Fulfilling Prophecy

I have to say that I’m getting a bit peed off by all the blog posts, tweets and Facebook statuses implying that people are dreading the school holidays. As if spending six weeks at home with their kids is the worst thing that will happen to them this year. Here’s an idea: if you think something will be hideous it more than likely will be. It becomes the worst kind of self fulfilling prophecy.

I’m writing this post on the train to work, it’s not even 7am and I’m not feeling great. At 10(ish) weeks pregnant with my third child, I don’t need to bore you with the ins and outs of my constant nausea and sheer exhaustion. However, one thing that’s guaranteed to make me feel even worse is constantly going on about how crap I feel. The saying ‘I think, therefore I am’ springs to mind. So many things are completely out of our control – over analysing and dwelling will get us nowhere.

Rather than dread something and build it up in my head to be a terrible event, I tend to focus on the positive side of a situation. If a positive seems impossible to find, then I try not to think about it at all. Us Brits usually love a good whinge, but I prefer to be grateful for all that’s fabulous in life and not waste my precious energy getting upset over what’s wrong with it.

If I were getting stressed out by the thought of the holidays I would write a list of all the things I’d like to do but couldn’t usually because of being restricted by school times. Top of my list would more than likely be catching up with my lovely friends that live miles away that I don’t get to see as often as I would like. Not having to rush around in the mornings would surely be in there somewhere. As would not having to contend with the mummy mafia at the gates. I say if because my eldest enters the school system in Sept… watch this space, my attitude might be different this time next year 😉

 

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