eldest child is autistic

When Your Eldest Child is Autistic

When your eldest child is autistic things don’t follow the standard format. You can’t rely on them to lead the way for your other kids, and some days, it hurts like hell. Oh I know what you’re thinking. That I should lower my expectations, and not put too many demands onto any of their shoulders (especially Polly’s). They’re just kids after all. Truthfully speaking, I do feel this way a lot of the time. We live in the real world though don’t we? And on the super challenging days not expecting anything and not being tempted to future gaze just isn’t …

Random Musings of an Autism Parent

Stress, so much stress. Every day, in the face of it, you try your best. But what if it’s not enough? You fret, you worry, you toss and turn at night. The cortisol pumps in your head, making it feel like it’s going to explode. You try not to yell, you don’t want to yell, but you can’t help yourself. Unless you live it, you will never understand what it means to be an autism parent. The highest highs, and depths of despair lows. External assistance so thin on the ground, budgets slashed to the bone. You don’t qualify, you’re on …

We Need to Stop Fighting Over Who Has it the Hardest 

Earlier this week I posted an article about how hard it is not being able to take my autistic daughter’s sadness away (you can read it here if you like). Don’t get me wrong, there are many other things that are hard. As my children grow older though, I’m learning that the very hardest thing is seeing them suffer (in any capacity) and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I was feeling super low I posted the blog on one of the home ed Facebook groups I’m part of. Lots of parents in the group have autistic …

The Hardest Thing About Being an Autism Mama

The Hardest Thing About Being an Autism Mama Another day started too early, with grumping and hurrumping and fighting before even getting to the breakfast table. Tears of frustration being cried at not even 8am. A sad Clara went off to school, asking me once again “why does Polly hate me so much?” Of course Polly doesn’t hate her sister, but it can certainly come across that way. I futilely tried to find answers when we got home.  Polly shut down, her face became angry, then the jumping started. Tears turned into a full blown meltdown, communication was lost. I waited for the red …