Unsugar Coated Motherhood

A Letter to My Four Year Old Almost One Term After Starting School

A Letter to My Four Year Old Almost One Term After Starting SchoolDearest Clara, 

I’ve been wanting to write you this note for a while now. It was originally going to be a good luck before you started school. Then I almost wrote you a letter after parents evening, one month in. Your teachers were positively gushing about you in every way, and the proud mama in me wanted to tell the world. 

It didn’t seem right to count chickens though. 

I’m glad I didn’t, because I had a feeling all along that it wouldn’t last. It’s not that I’m being overly negative. Or that you aren’t still kind, and energetic and a keen learner. You very much are, and amaze me on a daily basis with details of your new friends, and new knowledge. Watching you read is nothing short of mind blowing, and when you teach Freddy phonics my heart actually soars.

But you’re breaking it too baby girl, mama’s fragile heart!  

The post school meltdowns are getting out of control, and trigger off memories I’ve worked hard to forget. When you tell me you hate me and that I’ve ruined your life, all the while screaming at me to go away. 

Polly and Freddy were scared of you last night, and hid. You wouldn’t let me come closer than arms length for over an hour, but I know you desperately needed love. After the storm had passed you asked for a hug, and your beautiful smile returned. 

Being our best sleeper, it’s always extra tough when you’re going through a rough patch. The night screaming and 4:30am starts take their toll on you more than me. I’m used to the lack of Zzzzzz’s, but you my gorgeous girl, you need your sleep and can’t cope without it. Zombie doesn’t come close to describing the state of you on Sunday evening, after another too-early start to the day. 

Your hands are covered in the exact same stress eczema that flares up on daddy from time to time.

You already know that you can’t win them all my darling, but not getting invited to Jack’s party has been brutally tough for you to accept. I’m so sorry that it’s happened, but the trouble with being awesome, is that some people will take an unfair dislike to you. I have a feeling it’s because Harry is his best friend and Jack doesn’t like you playing with him. It’s a horrid lesson to learn so early in life, but probably a good one to cross off the list. We’re going to have a love bombing Clara day this weekend to make up for the disappointment. 

Watching your relationship with your sister decline even further, and seeing you take your frustrations out on your brother has been the hardest thing to witness. I can only hope that kindness prevails, and you realise for yourself that the three of you are better off on the same team. You’re an amazing little team when you get along.

I hope this is a temporary blip on your radar my dear girl. You deserve a wonderful school experience, not one where I’m dragging you kicking and screaming.

Everyone says it’s ‘normal’, but as I have no idea what that word even means, I’m reserving my judgement. 

Love you more than I could possibly convey. 

Your Mama 💗

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Full time wife and mummy to three, home educator, blogger, wannabee chef and published author. Follow me on my journey through life...

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