Mental Health

On Being Normal

When people ask me what I want out of life, I say happiness. True happiness: no regrets, no sadness for the past, just pure unadulterated happiness. When I was asked this question in my teens and early twenties my answer would be different. “I want to be normal” I’d say. I’ve come a long way since then. All the hard work has paid off and I am in actual fact normal these days. I’m probably considered rather boring to those who hardly know me. The dramas of yester-year have long left the building, and the only dramas I have in my life now are those caused by my fabulous but oh-so-demanding four year old princess.

Both my mother and my step-father had tragic, dysfunctional upbringings. My biological father’s wife does not know I even exist which says a lot about him. I lost count of the amount of times I heard the phrase “my kids will never go through what I went through” while I was growing up. The adults were forever vocalising how things would be different. As if saying it out loud enough would magically mean things would be. They weren’t. History repeated itself over and over again. Bonds were broken between mother and child (not just for my mother but most of her siblings too). The unthinkable occurred and ties were cut. If there is one thing I have learned the hard way it’s that self preservation is key. If walking away from the woman who gave birth to you will secure your future happiness, then it must be done.

I have been through more in my 34 years than most people I know could even dream of, but I decided not to be defined by my past. Not to let it control my present. I also decided not to bring children into the world until I had fixed my damaged, broken self. Knowing how hard motherhood is, I think I would have gone to pieces at every obstacle if I’d had my kids ten years ago. I’m so glad I didn’t. That I held out for a truly amazing man, and we waited until we were confident we could cope before entertaining the idea of a family. I have done what the adults I grew up around were desperate to, but sadly failed miserably at achieving.

I’ve been told by so many people over the years that I simply must write a book. That my story is too fascinating not to be heard. Book, blog, same difference these days. It’s been six months since I started Mummy Tries, and one hell of a cathartic journey so far. I hope you’re enjoying the ride as much as I am!

mummytries

Full time wife and mummy to three, home educator, blogger, wannabee chef and published author. Follow me on my journey through life...

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22 Comments

  1. […] you’ve read any of my background posts you will know that my happiness was never a given. My life these days is pretty damn good but it […]

  2. […] tale. A good friend of mine who also had a difficult childhood often says that I’m the most normal person she knows. This may be an insult to some, but it’s a compliment of the highest order for […]

  3. Thanks Vicky, it’s so worth it and our kids will definitely thank us for it in the years to come xx

  4. Thank you so much. Totally agree with you on gaining inspiration from the kids! xx

  5. I just love how you see life and that’s very similar to how I see it too. As we can’t have a new beginning, we can just try and change things today to have a new ending. We have our kids and I’m sure they will inspire us to take each day as they come! 🙂 x

  6. Well done for changing your life – I did exactly the same for my daughter. It’s amazing the strength you can get from your kids. Thanks for linking to PoCoLo x

  7. So hard to say goodbye to your family, but if it has to be done… I think you’ve been very brave.

  8. beautiful post honey xx

  9. Ahh thanks lovely, I’m getting a lot out of writing them xx

  10. What a post and once again you’ve blown me away. I so admire the fact that you are prepared to lay yourself so bare and let people know the true story & glad that you are finding it so cathartic. I love reading your posts – if this makes sense 🙂 #PoCoLo

  11. Thank you so much, your thoughtful comments are lovely to read. Totally agree with the Goethe quote, as soon as you start projecting yourself in a positive way the universe certainly helps with your journey. Negativity and bad behaviour spirals so quickly out of control, but the opposite also happens when you get serious about turning things around. I’m off now to check out your blog 🙂

  12. Thanks so much Sarah. It’s funny how people just don’t get the concept of blogging. I agree though, it enables us to write small chunks which reach a lot of people. Trying to fit in writing a whole book as well as raising a family would be really hard work!

  13. Thanks Izzie!

  14. Thanks so much Sara, it’s definitely a work in progress 🙂

  15. Another wonderful, insightful post. You are one strong lady! Not only have you overcome so much, you have such strong self awareness in how you have used those experiences to become who you are today. #PoCoLo

  16. Well done to you for refusing to let the past define the person you are today. You are one tough cookie – don’t ever forget it!

  17. Another fabulous post! Well done to you for breaking the cycle – that is something which is so hard to do.
    And although my life is very normal and always has been, my close family, who don’t understand blogging say to me ‘If you like writing that much, why don’t you write a book?’ Maybe one day, but by blogging I am writing and it is being read every day, so what’s the difference really?

  18. Making the decision to change your life is the single greatest and strongest thing you can do. There’s a quote from Goethe I ran on my blog a few weeks ago that basically says that when you make a decision and commit yourself then the world helps you on your way. You sound as though you are well on your journey. I’ve had to make tough choices too, it is hard but makes you a stronger person. Wish you well.
    (Found you via PoCoLo today)

  19. I have pondered this very question a lot recently, and the answer is I don’t know if any of them have changed. I do know that if my mother went to the effort of tracking me down, and it was clear that she genuinely had changed in the years I’ve not seen her, then I would open the door. Unfortunately I can’t see it happening, but never say never 🙂

  20. It’s sad that more people can’t overcome the difficulties you have, I wonder whether it’s too late for the other people in your family that you mention? It must have been extremely hard for you to go through all this, and great that you’re here now, telling the tale.

  21. Thank you Denise, and for all of your unfalteringly supportive comments xx

  22. The ride is great – I love your insights. It’s truly inspirational to see what human nature can overcome.

    I feel sorry your parents/step parents weren’t able to make the journey in the same way that you did, even with their good intentions. But at least you were able to rescue yourself. And to break the cycle for the next generation.

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