Why are new friends always a disappointment?

new friends

They say you’re lucky if you have two or three really good friends. Ones you’ll be taking to the grave. Friends that know every detail of your life and would never judge you for any of it. I have eight, which makes me incredibly fortunate. They’re an eclectic bunch that I’ve accumulated over the years. They have each shared important parts of my life; one is the best friend I made throughout school years, three are ex-colleagues, three ex-flatmates and one I met sitting on the stairs at a party. New friends are another matter entirely.ย 

From an early age I knew I couldn’t rely on my family, so I have always taken friendship more seriously than most.ย Once I knew who the keepers were I cultivated those relationships and have done my utmost to always be there in their hours of need. I’m not going to lie, it hasn’t been plain sailing. There have been times when distance was needed and periods of not speaking with most of my besties for one reason or another. We always come back to each other though. These eight people are all amazingly remarkable, and each of them have a place in my heart that is so special words alone could not do them justice.

Over the years, I have made hundreds of new friends

Some were in my life for a while, until the chemistry fizzled out and I made peace quite quickly with the situation, probably always knowing they weren’t going to stick around for long. Others have been people I genuinely considered to be on my page but later discovered they weren’t. These situations always hurt like hell. I’m going through this at the moment with a lady I’ve known for a few years. We were inseparable at one point, and I thought I’d be adding her to my take-to-the-grave list. Something changed between us (no idea what!) and during the course of this year she has become more and more distant. Her priorities have changed. She is moving in circles I’ll never frequent. She’s engrossed in a life she told me she didn’t want. I feel sad for the demise of our friendship but even sadder for her.

I must hold on to the saying that ‘people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime’. I now know which box to put her in, but it still feels a shame that it isn’t the one I thought it would be this time last year.

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24 thoughts on “Why are new friends always a disappointment?

  1. That’s so true! I only have one old school friend, and I didn’t go to uni, but the majority of my besties are ex flatmates or work colleagues from 10-15 years ago. Even if I go months or years without seeing them, nothing changes. I love that quote about real friends being like stars, you don’t have to see them all the time to know they are there… Thanks for popping by ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I think if you have shared history with someone – particularly from school / uni times, even if you don’t like them very much, you’ll still choose them over someone ‘new’ , simply because you have those shared experiences and something in common. It’s hard to make new ‘mum’ friends sometimes because being a mum is really the only thing you share.

  3. I think it’s a quite common Kaz, although it doesn’t stop it from hurting at the time does it? Hope you got over it over time lovely xx

  4. Oh my goodness, I am so glad to read this – not because of your pain (for which I am sorry) but because I had the same happen a few years ago, and it hurt me like hell. I thought it was just me. Thank you for sharing x #PoCoLo

  5. My besties I talk about here are all people that have been around for 10-20 years, with the exception of a fairly recent ex-colleague who i’ve become really close to. I also have a tight knit NCT group, but as you say the friendships are different. Not bad but different… Blogging is a whole other boardgame lovely. I’m looking forward to taking some of the online friendships offline this year, can’t wait to meet you finally xxx

  6. Friendship is a really hard thing to define and sometimes I feel like it is mercurial- like just when you think you have a grip on it it can change form and slip between your fingers. I agree with Junkchuck though that the strongest bonds are forged in youth before families and careers and responsibilities kick in. My best friends now are one childhood friend, one school friend, two uni friends (I probably bonded more with those two girls than anyone because of the stage of our lives we were at), and a couple of guys I worked with in my first real job out of uni. I have made a fair few good friends with NCT and baby groups in the past five years but it’s so hard to make those same bonds because these relationships can’t involve nights out or getting drunk together or just being silly and sharing our innermost thoughts – we are mothers… It’s tricky with blogging too eh?

  7. I agree, when you have true friendship in your life it sets the bar too high for any old tom, dick or harry to get a piece of the action! Your wife sounds fab, and it’s great to prefer the companionship of each other than be ‘out with the guys’ the whole time.

    Thanks for all your kind words. I’ve followed your blog and Twitter handle, and look forward to reading more of your posts.

  8. I’m really stuck on your page today….I’ve given a lot of thought to friendship, and I think the difficulty of making friendships as we age is a matter of time and expectations. I was blessed with a close group of childhood friends who remained tight well into our 20s, when geography distributed us across a 4000 mile swath of continent. ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/102288834@N02/10088342445/ ) One of us died a few years ago, but I know that even though we don’t speak all that often and see each other even more rarely, that should I need them, a phone call is all that it takes, and were we able to gather we would immediately take up where we last left off. Those relationships were built on hours/days/months/years of shared moments, screwing around, sitting around, playing games, sharing meals, adventures, tall tales, and all the other crap kids in the pre-connected world did to amuse themselves.

    I don’t have time to get to know my friends like that any more. We have jobs. We have families. (My wife is fantastic–unlike the stereotypes I’d rather be with her than with the guys, nine times out of ten–and my kids are pretty much my favorite people in the world.) We have homes and civic obligations. The caliber of people I associate with isn’t an issue–I don’t bother with bad people–flawed people, sure, but not bad, and I feel that I have some good adult friendships. I’ve accepted that I’ll never make the deep connections of those truly great old friends, and it some way the high expectations those fellows built are an obstruction, but it’s not impossible.

  9. I think it’s true that some friends are only there for a while. Sometimes that’s fine as it suits you both. The problem is when someone lets you down or misleads you. Sorry to hear that this friendship has gone, but it’s lovely that you have 8 better ones.

  10. This happened to me recently. A friend I had thought was a best friend and would be a part of my life forever. I am still gutted. It’s nice to hear that it happens to other people too.

  11. Having also experienced something similar recently I could really relate to this post. Lucky you still having 8 good friends though ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. Ahhhh thanks to all you lovely #PoCoLo peeps for the kind and encouraging words. Besties are a thing of wonder and should be truly cherished. As for the ones who won’t make it to the grave, well it’s their loss right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  13. A really lovely piece. I have 3 besties who have always been there for me. As I don’t have sisters, they are the nearest thing to…………

  14. Its a shame when a very good friend starts to become distant and probably even sadder when you don’t understand why they are doing it. Its hurtful and they probably may not even know it. I do believe a lot in your last few lines though – sometimes people come into our life for a reason, sometimes its for a fleeting moment to teach us something and sometimes its to hold our hand forever. x

  15. I feel for you, this has happened to me on a few occasions and it really does hurt. Sometimes we will never know what we did to the other person, not matter how hard we try to make amends! I think it’s then time to move on and decide it’s them and not you. You are incredibly lucky to have 8 really close friends, treasure them, these friendships don’t come along often – as you have obviously found out. Popping over from Pocolo ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Thank you! It’s always disappointing when people don’t end up being who you thought they were ๐Ÿ™ but fab that you have a the good ones who will be there regardless ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. I know it’s getting harder to making true friends in the world today. Forget about the ones who deceive, and never lose faith in the power of a good friendship! Here from the Weekend Blog Hop.

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