Mama’s Heavy Heart

scroll of doom

According to several of the top parenting sites, motherhood is the loneliest job on the planet, and I can wholeheartedly relate to this sentiment. At times like this, when the kids are sick and up in the night, then grumpy the next day, it can feel as though my head will explode. That my shoulders may collapse under the weight of responsibility. We all know that this too shall pass, but while you’re living it, it sucks big time.

Last week was a good one for the most part, it felt like we were finally getting on track at last. Unfortunately it started going downhill on Thursday evening, and has been a seriously crappy week. I sent the little ones off with the nanny last Friday morning and wrote these words down. I don’t think this poem will set the world on fire, but it conveys perfectly how I’m feeling at the moment.

Mama's heavy heart

Mama’s heavy heart

With a heavy heart, I send you off
Oh drooling baby of mine
Up too early, needing cuddles and love
To soothe the pain inside your mouth
But it’s a work day, and I have no choice
So off you go, a bawling mess

With a heavy heart, I send you off
Oh sad little girl of mine
Trouble at school has left you miserable
Disrupting your sleep and making you grumpy
But I have to work, and have no choice
So off you go, an anxious mess

With a heavy heart, I send you off
Oh gorgeous girl of mine
Pushing your pleads to one side
‘I want to stay with you mama’
But it’s a work day, and I have no choice
I hope you’ll have a fun time

Sat in tears when I should be working
Thinking of a different way of life
A solution that suits the whole family
And doesn’t just make sense financially
I hope that we achieve it some day
And no lasting damage is done along the way

Then you come back
All full of different sorrows
Each of you reeling from your day
Mama gives you kisses and cuddles
Trying to make the sadness go
But chaos descends and you all melt down anyway


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29 thoughts on “Mama’s Heavy Heart

  1. Oh hon i’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling it too. Roll on lottery wins and not having to work eh 😉 xxx

  2. It is so hard having to work and being a Mum at the same time. I have felt some of this this week due to half term and it really isn’t easy at all – especially when I feel guilty as Grace says she hasn’t spent enough time with me. Lovely words. Thanks for linking to Prose for Thought x

  3. Oh my heart hurts reading this because I totally understand and relate! My son cries every time I leave him at preschool and I have to peel off his little arms from around my neck, and it breaks my heart every single time. And yet, yet, I have to work sometimes, in order to be the mother who comes back to pick him up with a lightness in my body and a smile on my face. We must work, we always love, and it’s never easy.

  4. It’s so tough isn’t it, I am truly grateful that I’m able to stay home at the moment, but even just sending them off to school is sometimes hard when they’re tired and upset. Being a mum is often lonely, that is something I can very much relate to at the moment. Isolated by snow and circumstance. You’re doing an amazing job Renee, try not to forget that xx Thanks for sharing with #ThePrompt x

  5. Wow. It’s amazing how well poems convey our inner feelings. I really feel for you. I am currently trying to work out how on earth I will juggle work and the baby as time looms ahead. Not sure how I can change what I used to do to make it work. But I can’t do a four and a half hour commute so something will have to change. I really don’t want to leave her with anyone else but when you need to work to pay the bills there is no choice. I feel your pain. Take care. Hope you come up with a better balance plan soon x

  6. I like the line about finding a way that suits the family anddoesn’t just make financial sense. I think that’s what we all crave. I think the poem’s great as it is. Don’t change a word, very raw and ‘of th emoment’. Hope hitngs get better (…and yes, us dads do experience the same emotions!). #ThePrompt

  7. Those are such heart felt words. I really feel for you. Sending big hugs your way. I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but you are not alone in feeling like this. In fact, my poor sister was having a miserable time of it too, after being up in the night and barely getting any sleep, the kids ill etc. she has to work four days and she hates it.

  8. It makes me so sad to read this, and feel so grateful that I am, for now at least, able to stay at home. However tough it feels at times I hope I never take for granted how lucky we are. I’m sure stress and exhaustion is making things seem even harder for you, and I’m sure your kids are going to be ok. More than ok. You’re doing everything you can for them and they cannot fail to know how much you love them. I hope you find a better balance soon – sorry I missed this last week xxx

  9. We had a sick toddler in the night last night – lots of laundry and comforting in the middle of the night. Everyone very unsettled – but today we’re all together – it’s an inset day at JJ’s school – but I’m kind of wishing the opposite because I could use some uninterrupted sleep! My children generally don’t have any real woes yet though and JJ loves school. Being on your own with kids is definitely a solitary thing – hope your days (and nights) have improved a bit since you wrote this. Xx #theprompt

  10. It’s always a compromise, everything we do and the decisions we make. You are doing the very best you can Renee and ultimately that’s all anyone can ask for. I hope things pick up soon x

  11. Beautiful words. I recognise it all, my little dude is just the same. They always play up when it’s important and I think it’s because they can sense that you’re rushed so they start to feel rushed.

    I’ve used the guy card so I can teach him that some times people need things done quickly. Life isn’t always calm and care free so he needs to learn how to support other people. In future his teachers and managers and everyone else will need support. If he doesn’t get it they will be upset.

    So it may sound alittle early to be teaching those lessons but I’m just teaching him about emotional intelligence and that I always love him but some times I have things I need to do.

    It’s hard but your not alone and it’s been a lot easier since I’ve started doing that and he’s happier too because he knows I’m not upset with him so he just gives me a hug

  12. Thank you lovely lady. I know everyone goes through some degree of this when they have to work around kids, but I’m feeling really up and down about it all. All the other stuff that’s been going on hasn’t helped either. Hugs always welcome xxx

  13. They certainly sound alike hon, and I can often relate to posts of yours. It is so tough, but as you say we just have to keep on keeping on! Thank you for your kind words Emma, they mean a lot. Really hope I’ll be meeting you at Brit Mums xx

  14. Thanks my lovely, hugs are always appreciated. It’s just awful sending the kids off knowing they’d much rather be home xx

  15. Thank you so much my lovely, you’re always so kind. It’s been a really rough couple of months, and has started feeling relentless but I know it’s just a phase and it will pass xxx

  16. Thanks so much for your lovely comment Mel. Last night was pretty bad, then we had a truly horrendous night… But today has actually been a good day. Amen to that xxxx

  17. Renee, I cannot begin to tell you, how many comparisons I make between our children. From food intolerance and allergies to fiesty and extremely challenging behaviour. I want you to know that you are not alone. But also, that you are amazing with all that you accomplish. And to keep going with your head held high, as you are always the best mum you can possibly be. Hope this w end brings some calm. x

  18. Ah Renee – so sorry you were left feeling so down about the situation. You have a heck of a lot on your plate and just remember kids are very resilient. They know they are loved – can’t fail to – and you have the weekend to make it up to them. Hugs xx

  19. Oh mate, you’re doing the best you can and you’re doing so well. It’s so hard to juggle everything but your kids know they are safe and loved with you and that’s the main thing. It’s so tough though, I really empathise. sending lots of hugs. xxx

  20. Oh honey this brought tears to my eyes, you will find a way to make changes, even small at first. You are doing a great job, you are providing for your kids. Sending you love x

  21. It’s tough, isn’t it? You can’t do it all all of the time. If you did, you wouldn’t be human. The fact they want to stay with you rather than spend time with their nanny shows how much they love you, how safe they feel with you. That is huge! I hope bedtime tonight wasn’t half as bad as last night, Early night for you my lovely. xxxxx

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