I don’t usually post blogs that haven’t been carefully edited and worked on for at least a few days. Especially ones that are emotionally charged. On Saturday though I broke all my blogging rules, and pressed the publish button within an hour of starting to write.
The house was an absolute mess, I hadn’t even brushed my teeth let alone showered, and I had other things I should have been doing. I felt I had to though, and Do not tell me to hang in there flew out of my hands. I needed the dark thoughts out of my head, and I’m glad I wrote it.
I was very touched by the amount of friends – real life and online – that got in contact and asked if I was okay. People were genuinely concerned, and very supportive, and once again it has left me feeling incredibly fortunate to have the amazing people in my life that I do.
Saturday was also a bit of a turning point. Several amazing things happened.
Firstly the kids and I had a great time together, whilst I was flying solo and hubby enjoyed his bi-annual meet up with the uni lads.
We took it easy and didn’t rush, which is a huge behaviour trigger for us. I let the kids decide what we did (soft play, obvs), and I broke all our food rules by having a fish and chip picnic tea in the garden. Afterwards I got everyone to sleep with much less fuss along the way than we have had at bedtime recently.
Rather than walk down the stairs feeling broken, I came downstairs feeling rather happy with what I’d achieved. Rather than getting the laptop out and engrossing myself in blog-land, I cleaned my bomb site of a house, and had a couple of glasses of chilled red wine. Boy did they feel hard earned and even more delicious than usual.
Sunday morning saw a minor miracle occur in my house.
Although F was up twice in the night it wasn’t for long, and he slept in until 7:30am, with the girls getting up about twenty minutes later having both slept through for the first time in I can’t even remember how long.
It was raining so our plans to go to the local splash park got cancelled, but that was fine. We still went out and had a lovely day. It wasn’t perfect or without incident, but it was all normal stuff. We had smiles on our faces for the most part. Bedtime wasn’t great, but it didn’t break me.
The girls slept through again last night, and weren’t up at the crack of dawn this morning. F slept in until almost 8am and has been a delight; rather than the grumpy monkey he is when he’s up at 5am.
I know I’m in danger of massively jinxing myself here, but I couldn’t let Saturday’s post be the one that comes up on my home page.
I’m not so naive that I think all our problems have disappeared overnight, but it certainly feels like the spell has been broken.
After two nights sleep as good as this, I feel shiny and new.
And I like it!