It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I’ve been down lately. Life has been various shades of grey, and some times in the face of such adversity the only thing we can do is survive.
I’ve spoken at length about the additional challenges we face as an autism family, and the relentlessness of it sometimes means it’s impossible to see the positives through the negatives.
The thing is though, nothing changes unless we change it. Ultimately I can choose to give in to the feelings of being overwhelmed and exhausted, I can tell myself and anyone else that will listen that I can’t cope. Or I can make the changes that (hopefully) eventually lead to the results my family desperately needs to see.
Earlier this week I enrolled my littlest two into a local nursery for a couple of afternoons a week, in order to have some one on one time with my HFA eldest who is home educated. So that I can bestow love upon her, and fill up her emotional tank.
I can’t say that I’m hugely happy about it. Clara and Freddy weren’t overly enthusiastic about their new surroundings, and Polly was amazing during our time together, but absolutely horrendous afterwards all the way until bedtime. I’m crossing fingers that today’s session will bring a bit more all round joy to our world.
Another cause of unhappiness recently has been blog related. I have allowed the things that are out of my control to get to me in an unhealthy way, so I took action and stepped back from it all. I haven’t written anything on here, or been on social media for a whole week, and it’s allowed me space to regroup and figure out my blogging objectives.
It’s also seen a massive spike in the word count of my novel, and the end of the first draft is very much in sight. Never say never of course, but my self-imposed end of summer deadline seems well within reach.
I saw one of my best friends yesterday, and she told me how brave I was. I don’t feel very brave I retorted, and she said that I wasn’t afraid to confront my difficulties head on, and make vital changes when they were necessary, and that (in her opinion) made me brave. I’m holding her words close, and will try to remember them next time it all gets a bit much.
Are you brave?