Facts of Mummyhood

I doubt highly there would have been anything I could have said to my pre-children self that would have put me off the idea, however if I had the opportunity to travel back in time and offer that me some parenting insight, it would probably go a little something like this…

– breast is best, but once you have fed a baby for a year you can kiss goodbye to your pert DD’s. They are gone forever, be grateful that you had them in the first place and don’t waste your precious energy lusting after them

– ditto the gorgeous skinny Diesel jeans with a 26 inch waist that you used to love wearing so much

– unless your little darlings are elsewhere don’t expect to go to the loo in private

– it will take you a whole year to read a 300 page book

– holidays will never be never be relaxing again!

– forget all about a sex life while the kids are small, and don’t even bother thinking about the R word

– you’ll argue with your other half about a hundred times more than you used to, and have days when you hate him for no reason at all

– your in-laws will pee you off no matter how hard they try

– every single parent on the planet has moments when they wish they could send their offspring back to where they came from

– BUT (and this is really important) no matter how hard your day has been, and how brutal the witching hour, when they are finally asleep, you will love them so much it actually hurts

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55 thoughts on “Facts of Mummyhood

  1. I hear you on all of these, though I was never lucky enough to have DDs and 26 inch waist! Great post, many truths – perfect for #thetruthabout x

  2. Oh my word that’s so true! Although we ended up in a bit of a sleep/feed nightmare with our third because he was used to just sleeping in our bed and feeding all night… he’s now in his own room, and sometimes sleeps, but often still gets boobs in the night. If my pre-children self could see me now she would be shocked πŸ˜‰

  3. How lovely that you have such fond memories from your own childhood holidays hon. I’m sure once my boy is old enough for the kids club it’ll be fine. Only two more years to go πŸ˜‰

  4. Oh my word I’m so pleased I’m not the only one! I have so many half read books that I’ve just given up on in the last couple of years. My head hits the pillow and that’s me done… I’m averaging three pages a night at the moment!

  5. Glad it’s not just me! There’s something about a sleeping child that really does melt the heart…

  6. Brilliant and so very true! I definitely find myself arguing with my hubby more since having kids and hating him for no reason (especially when I’m very sleep-deprived) but then seeing him being such a great dad has made me appreciate him even more. It is so true that even when you want to pull your hair out in frustration after a stressful day, looking at your sleeping children just makes your heart melt.

  7. Yes to the one year per book! I used to be an avid reader. An old college friend of mine is also a voracious reader but has kept it up much better than me (she’s single and doesn’t have children, which may have something to do with it.) She always asks, “So what are you reading?” And my answer is usually, “Oh, same thing as the last 14 times you asked. But this time I’m almost finished with Chapter 4!”


  8. I remember this post from before and have to agree! I’m going to be ridiculously optimistic and say that I’m hoping holidays will be even better than before once the kids are a bit older and more independent – proper family holidays like I remember from my childhood only with me as one of the adults (‘the groans’ as we used to call them!) instead of the kids πŸ™‚ Thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout

  9. This is a lovely list and all so very true!
    A friend of mine is 3 months pregnant with her first – I have been insistently telling her she needs to book one last sunny holiday away with her husband and spend it lounging by the pool. As we know, holidays do not look like that anymore!
    Great post!

  10. Love every single point! The boob one especially. I was never big but after 10 months feeding my left one is non-existant!! She’s so worth it though; little monster xx

  11. Completely agree with all these. Thought I was alone with the penultimate one! I could only add – in the end – that your sanity is surely the most important thing to preserve. Do whatever it takes to ensure this – if that means feeding them to sleep in your bed – then so be it! Ignore the scaremongers and do whatever works for you…

  12. We were the same – by the time we finally conceived (after five years of growing doubt), we were just about the last of our friends to have kids too. And no, we absolutely were not ready for the onslaught!

  13. Tee hee if only we could have kids and still fit into them πŸ˜‰ and yes, no matter how tough life is, the sight of my sleeping children will always melt my heart xx

  14. That’s incredible hon, go you!! Fortunately my wedding dress doesn’t fit, but I was 5 months pregnant so i’m pleased about this fact xx

  15. Ok, ok, I’m gonna be a real a-hole here and just revel in the delight that today I tried on my wedding dress, and I fit into it perfectly!!! (After two kids and a body that loves to cling to weight, I am delighted!!!). My boobs have also survived with minimal damage. Sorry. Sorry. I’m just happy!!!

    However, we haven’t been on holiday yet because I can’t imagine just how chaotic it would be. The in-laws: nuff said. My hubs is probably my most well-used punching bag (poor Ian). Remind me, what does ‘sex’ mean again?

    Loved this post ReneΓ©!


  16. Yep to every single point! I hope you get some good sleep soon too hon – sleep is the key to everything I think… X #thetruthabout

  17. Oh yes, so very true and particularly the last one. No matter how much they manage to push your buttons when they’re awake, one look at their little sleeping faces and your heart just melts again.

  18. Haha love this! So true although I read somewhere it’s not the breastfeeding that changes breasts but the way your muscle and fat distribution is affected by hormones (might have made that up though or imagined it)! Wow 26 inch jeans, I got back to 28 after two kids but put on lots of weight this summer so although they’ll close, they are not comfy! Determined to change that though! Love this post! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

  19. Most of my friends already had kids by the time we had our eldest and I honestly thought I’d have a headstart. Then the baby came home and we realised we knew nothing! It’s a steep, difficult and emotional learning curve but an utterly incredible one as well. You forsake so much when you have children but get so much in return too. Thanks for dropping by Tim!

  20. All so true – especially the last one. I don’t think anything quite prepares you for the stresses of parenthood – but equally nothing prepares you for the joys either. A true rollercoaster ride, this parenting lark!

  21. Great post, so true, and honestly when I read “the R word” it took a few mins to work out what that word was lol! Proof positive that I don’t even think about that πŸ™‚ #brilliantblogposts xx

  22. Thank you πŸ™‚ It can be really hard to see the humorous side of parenting when you’re in the thick of it, but it’s good to try!

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