Can We Please Talk About the C Word?

No, not that c word, this is a nice clean blog!

Although I would be lying if I said that one doesn’t slip out of my mouth from time to time. Today I’d like to talk about the other c word: communication.

I have come to the conclusion that almost any argument or misunderstanding can be resolved by using proper communication. The words we choose to say, have the power to foster empathy and warmth. Whereas the ones we don’t say can often leave us feeling cold, sad and shut out. 

c wordAnyone who has read at least three of my previous blogs will know that I am no stranger to having a hard time. To be perfectly frank, the last few years have been a perpetual rollercoaster ride. Or as I said to a friend recently, it’s been a lot like shovelling sh*t up a hill.

Life has been so stressful and so overwhelming for so long, and it’s only been very recently that I’ve felt like I’m operating on a happier level. Which is why I’d like to share this piece today.

I believe that the c word can completely change what we’re receiving back from the people in our lives

I totally get that everyone has their own coping mechanisms, but there comes a point where we have to ask ourselves if we’re making our lives harder than they need to be. I like to be totally transparent about where I’m at, and what I can (or can’t offer) the people I’m closest to. I’ve found this goes a long way for those around me. 

I heard a great phrase many years ago.

“If it’s important you’ll find the time, if it’s not, you’ll find an excuse.”

If your friends mean a lot to you, then even in the midst of life’s obstacle course, I urge you to find it within yourself to communicate this to them. Otherwise it can make them feel like you can’t be bothered with them. The great thing about the c word, is it can lead to potential solutions. A shoulder being offered to cry on, or a helping hand with your children.

If you spend a lot of time with a person one day, and they’re “too busy” to see you for months the next, it hurts. Especially if your kids are heavily invested in them. It can feel like a metaphoric punch in the face, and the complete opposite to having a meaningful relationship. Sometimes changing the rules of the game is necessary for our own self-preservation, but it has to be communicated clearly to the other person.  

Are apps like Tinder dumbing people down and making them shallow?  

I’m so thankful that I met my husband way before online dating became par for the course. I seriously wouldn’t last five minutes on today’s scene.

the c wordThe notion that people can be picked up and put down at our leisure is beyond toxic, and the saddest thing about it is that it’s become normalised. Swipe left folks (or is it right?) until someone catches your eye.

Like a conveyor belt in the supermarket, but it’s not groceries that are moving along, it’s people.

Sad times.

Great friends are like stars

Over the last year, while I’ve been at my lowest, I’ve had a lot of support from friends. Sometimes they’ve done something small, and (to them) fairly insignificant, but it’s meant the world to me. On the flip side, I’ve seen great friends face awful struggles completely by themselves. Although I can see why and how, I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t make me sad beyond belief that they felt they couldn’t reach out. A problem shared is a problem halved, and all that.  

I went through a rocky patch with one of my best friends last year. It broke my heart, and I couldn’t let it go. If someone means a lot to me, I can’t switch off from them. If I’ve bothered to invest years in a friendship, then I don’t class that person as a friend, they become my family. We’re all good now, and it’s reminded me that any long term relationship will go through ups and downs. Forever is a very long time after all. 

I can go months (sometimes years if they live in other countries) without seeing my besties. It doesn’t mean they aren’t there. They’re waiting in the wings, and when those beautiful little twinkles in the sky align, we’ll see each other again.

I’ve come to the conclusion that a little bit of the c word goes a very long way. What are your thoughts?

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