Breaking The Cycle Of Dysfunction

As I’ve mentioned before my hubby and I met while we were travelling. We spent our first two years together flitting back and forth from here, Australia and our beloved Asia. It was during our second year together that I made the decision to cut ties with my family. As you can imagine I was a damaged soul. We were drinking and partying way too much. Things got dark and spiralled out of control. Even the counselling I’d gone through several years earlier wasn’t enough to bring me to my senses. It all came to a head in early 2006 while we were living in Asia. We split up and returned home separately. I will definitely write more on this topic another time. For now I’d just like to set the scene.

I started working as the assistant to the Owner/Director of a group of small recruitment companies and my ex-boss made Meryl Streep look tame in The Devil Wears Prada. He would come in to work the day after watching The Apprentice and re-enact the firing Lord Al had carried out the night before. He was a nasty piece of work, but if you were on his good side then he looked after you and treated you well. I was on his good side for months, and along with a small number of others became part of his inner circle. He dangled the carrot of a six figure salary and I worked my butt off to try and achieve it. It never happened of course, doubt it ever does, but when you’ve had an upbringing like mine you can only dream of earning that type of cash.

Things turned sour between us towards the end of the year and it all kicked off on a trip to Reykjavik. No expense spared weekends away with work colleagues were par for the course. They were the boom days after all, when people had more money than sense. We were all out drinking and I happened to disagree with something he said. He didn’t take kindly to people disagreeing, which I knew, but being hammered didn’t have the good sense to filter my comments. Looking back he did me a massive favour, but at the time I wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole.

It was the morning after this occurred that I hit what alcoholics and drug addicts call rock bottom. Alone in a hotel room in a strange country not knowing how I got to bed, feeling the full effects of the 48 hour bender I had been on. I looked in the mirror and told myself it had to end. No more booze. No more partying. No more getting myself into ridiculous situations. I suppose this was my sliding doors moment, carry on as is or change my wicked ways. I chose to change and break the cycle of dysfunction I had been engrossed in all my life. Needless to say it was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I didn’t have a drink in three months, after which I taught myself how to enjoy a glass of wine and say no to a second. This was something I had never been able to do before. I realised I had thrown my relationship away and that my hubby was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Fortunately he took me back. I am still amazed that he forgave me and has never held a grudge for all I put him through.

As I enter my third pregnancy it has been occurring to me how fortunate I am to have the life I do. Each and every day I thank my lucky stars, and I never take the small stuff for granted. Had my sliding doors moment gone the other way things would have been very different.

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39 Comments

  1. mummytries
    Author
    March 24, 2015 / 10:26 am

    Thanks so much for your kind words Colin. I’m so sorry I didn’t ever get back to you about your fitness app. Life got in the way, and we have literally been the house of ill for two months. Time has not been on my side I’m afraid. I hope all’s going well your end.

  2. March 20, 2015 / 9:58 am

    Many Thanks Renee.

    Sharing this much makes me feel better. I can relate to your troubles and admire you for working through them.

    Glad you have come to a place of happiness

  3. mummytries
    Author
    November 15, 2014 / 7:04 pm

    Thanks so much Steph, the bad bits feel like a very long time ago now 🙂 just hoping I can put it all to good use with the book now!

  4. November 14, 2014 / 7:07 am

    You sound like a strong, determined person. One of the absolute hardest things you can do in life is change your course around, and you totally did it!

  5. judithkingston
    August 11, 2013 / 6:31 pm

    I can so imagine how you got trapped in the Devil Wears Prada type situation. Those kind of manipulative a***holes thrive on making you feel good and then feel terrible, having you in the palm of their hand, but you get so addicted almost to their favour that you can’t quite walk away from it – esp if they’re promising you riches beyond your wildest dreams.

    It sounds like you have found someone absolutely amazing in your husband though, and well done on recognising that even if you had to go through hell to get there!

  6. July 12, 2013 / 6:12 pm

    Thank you so much for your lovely words Orli, so nice to hear xx

  7. July 12, 2013 / 6:12 pm

    Thank you so much! It’s honestly not difficult to maintain anymore. This life has become my normal and all the dysfunctional stuff feels like it happened to someone else. Very hard to explain but all good :o)

  8. July 8, 2013 / 10:19 am

    Thanks Victoria, you’re very kind xx

  9. July 7, 2013 / 9:44 am

    Well done lovely, your story is an inspiration to anyone who wants to make a change to their situation. So pleased for you that you managed to make a change for the better. Thanks for linking to PoCoLo x

  10. July 7, 2013 / 8:07 am

    Thank you for your lovely words Rachel. I’ll definitely check out your blog xx

  11. July 7, 2013 / 8:06 am

    thank you! the other side has been fab 🙂

  12. July 7, 2013 / 8:05 am

    thanks Jaime xx

  13. July 7, 2013 / 8:05 am

    The civilised side of partying is a lot of fun… and the dark times have their place as for most people it’s when crunch time comes and the end is near. Good to have the memories and know when to stop. Glad you also stuck it out with your hubby 😉

  14. July 7, 2013 / 8:02 am

    They are certainly going to cause some grey hairs! Hopefully having gone through everything I have I’ll be able to spot warning signs and help them through troubled times when they occur :o)

  15. July 6, 2013 / 8:12 pm

    Wow. If ever there was a post to tempt a new reader to delve deeper, this is it! Glad to have found your post via the mumsnet linky and #PoCoLo and very much looking forward to reading more.
    If you like, you can find more from me at http://www.mummykindness.com
    Rachel x

  16. July 6, 2013 / 9:33 am

    Wow what an incredible story. So glad you came out of the other side 🙂

  17. July 5, 2013 / 11:45 pm

    I am so pleased all worked out the way it should of for you honey xx

  18. July 5, 2013 / 8:58 am

    I can so relate to your story as when I first met my now husband, I knew that being with him would change my life and i resisted at first as part of me didn’t want to leave behind the days of drinking far too much and partying too hard. Even though my blog is about party inspiration, it is what I would term the more civilised side of partying instead of the deep dark side that people can find themselves in the middle of. Popping over from #PoCoLo

  19. July 5, 2013 / 8:17 am

    Well done you! Yes you’re fortunate to have this life but it also takes hard work to maintain!! I think many of us have a moment when we realise we can go two ways and it is time to decide. So glad your decision has worked out for you and you are in such a good place now. Congratulations on your third pregnancy too!
    #PoCoLo

    http://www.samandasha2.blogspot.com

  20. July 5, 2013 / 8:16 am

    Wow what an interesting and terrifying story of life. So pleased things have come good for you. Just think of the worries you will have ahead for your own children! Popping over from #PoCoLo

  21. July 4, 2013 / 9:40 pm

    I have to say, maybe it’s not not the right way of saying it, but I really enjoy reading your posts. They are always well written, honest, and go straight into my heart.
    This one was no exception.

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