how to be authentic
Mental Health

Be True To Yourself

Something I have noticed since I’ve been blogging is the amount of people constantly justifying why they do or have done things. Or seeking approval from their followers about a certain topic. Or saying something in one post and having a different stance on the same matter in the next. It leads me to believe that these people don’t actually know themselves, which makes me sad. I’ve written before about the importance of dealing with your demons, but as with any kind of problem in life you have to admit you have one before you can seek help or advice for it.

There have been numerous studies recently into the link between Facebook usage and depression, and it would appear the more a person is on Facebook the more depressed they will likely become. Lets be honest here, no-one posts photos of themselves looking like they need to go on a diet or buy some acne cream. Yet it’s so easy to get caught in the trap of thinking everyone else is faring up better than you are. Everyone else is prettier/slimmer/has nicer skin/is a better parent, etc etc.

From where I am standing, the gap between fantasy and reality is becoming small. People also seem to be losing the ability to properly communicate with one another in the real world. Having text arguments is becoming the norm. Writing ‘happy birthday, have a great day x’ on a persons FB page has replaced sending a card, or calling to genuinely wish them a great day. It’s all getting a bit too warped for my liking. While I’m not going to come off FB altogether, over the last few months I have massively scaled down the amount of time I spend on it. The first step for me was deleting the app from my iPhone – it was all too tempting to click on that blue button if I had a spare five minutes. I now check it once a day or every other day, and my addiction to the social networking site is definitely over. I also deleted my photo albums – all fifty odd. Now that they’re a publicly traded company I don’t trust them to keep the snaps of my family truly private. I’ll post the odd pic here and there, but won’t be sharing my life the way I used to.

I’d like to think I’m a what you see is what you get person – not a chameleon that changes who I am depending on who I’m with. I never gossip and I’m a good secret keeper. Friends often come to me with their problems, because they trust me. If I’m having a shocker of a day and know I’ll be bad company I will cancel plans and not inflict myself upon others. In most situations I wouldn’t say something about a person that I wouldn’t say to their face. Of course it’s hardly ever appropriate to tell someone that you think their hubby is a shithead or that you can’t stand their annoying kid. Although I try and be as diplomatic as possible, I’ll never just say something because I think it’s what the other person wants to hear. This doesn’t always make me popular, in fact I think I lost a recent friendship mainly because I asked questions that she didn’t want to ask herself let alone answer out loud. I don’t do small talk, falsities and bullshit though. I feel that one must be true to themselves in this life, otherwise what is the point?

Do you agree or are you a people pleaser? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.

 

mummytries

Full time wife and mummy to three, home educator, blogger, wannabee chef and published author. Follow me on my journey through life...

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23 Comments

  1. […] though I have very mixed feelings about Facebok, in an ill-thought-out moment of madness I thought itย was a great idea. I could put my posts on […]

  2. Thanks very much!

  3. Everything is very open with a very clear clarification of the challenges.
    It was really informative. Your site is very helpful.
    Many thanks for sharing!

  4. […] a sensible attitude: I can’t do everything, so don’t even bother attempting to, and I never compare myself to others. We all have our strengths, and focusing on mine makes my time feel more […]

  5. Love the post! I’ve just commented on it as it felt more appropriate than doing so here. Thanks again for the mention!

  6. I enjoy facebook for it’s power in creating and maintaining relationships over time and distance–admittedly, those connections are often a bit vague, and would be theoretically possible through traditional mail or phone calls, but honestly speaking that doesn’t happen. You’ve given me a lot to think on with this post–some of which grew into it’s own post over on my page. So, thanks for that, and keep up the good work.

  7. […] duality led me to another blog with a related theme,ย  Mummy Tries which, it begs mention, has caused me to hum/mumble an old Merle Haggard song for well over half an […]

  8. Thank you very much for your comment Sherri. I must say I’m with you entirely on not envying the teens of today. I feel for your daughter, as you say it’s a double edged sword – and one you must be having to constantly tread carefully to avoid the pitfalls of.

    Social media does have it’s benefits though, without it our blogs would never get the readerships they do. Unfortunately too many people seem to want to play up to an online persona which blurs the lines between fantasy and reality a little much for me…

  9. Thank you for your comment, and the article. I might have to write a post about that at some point ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. Thanks for your support Denise and for linking my post up on your own blog. It can be a tough lesson to learn, but ultimately one for the greater good.

    I know I’m a much happier person for being honest and true to myself. It makes me sad (and I’ll admit sometimes a little angry) to see so much falseness in the world – even from people I consider to be friends. Real discussion is a truly wonderful thing ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Thank you lovely ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. Thanks very much ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad to see I’m not the only one that still sends cards… FB is great for keeping in touch but it definitely has it’s downside!

  13. Thank you!

  14. Denise from listenwatchreadshare shared your link on her blog, which I follow, and I’m glad she did as I found this very interesting, as well as reading through the comments here. I have never felt comfortable with FB and only joined last year to keep in touch and share photos with an American friend of mine and some family.
    Blogging has been a completely different and positive experience for me. I never expected to find the community here, the support, conversations and sharing of ideas and yes, I do feel I have made new friends. I am a full time writer from home so this community is vital to me. I don’t see many friends as most work outside the home full time.
    For a long time I felt subjugated but writing and blogging has freed me from this. I can be true to myself and write as I will. FB is the total opposite of this and I have found the falsity of it quite troubling. I don’t envy young people today with the pressures on them. The shallowness of life is glorified through FB and I do worry so much, as you do, about people’s ability to communicate properly. Of course, for me this is a double-edged sword as my daughter has Asperger’s Syndrome and for her communication and community online is her lifeline. I’ve come to understand this much better since blogging.
    Thanks for this thought-provoking and very interesting post ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. I do like using Facebook to keep in touch but I have found the blogging arena is where I am actually getting support and conversation. I think because this is just words and stripped down to ideas, often with strangers, for me it feels like there isn’t that pressure of lots of eyes on me, who know me a little bit but not that well, as there is on Facebook.

    I used to be a people pleaser but now through blogs I have discovered the joy of real discussion and engagement and everyone can have their opinion and it’s a positive thing.

  16. Me too, I’ve felt that. And it feels so shallow. But I guess that’s the insidious side of Facebook – why children can bully each other over it because of the fear of missing out.

    I think many people are genuine and do blog true and these are the people I follow anyway.

  17. Popping over from pocolo, I particularly agree with the part about facebook showing the good bits but not the bad bits and making people feel depressed because they mistakenly think others’ lives are better than their own. Yesterday my husband showed me an article from the huffington post about why our generation are unhappy. It isn’t all relavent to your post bit there is a bit about how people project themselves via social media which you might find interesting http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/generation-y-unhappy_b_3930620.html also it has pictures of unicorns in it ๐Ÿ˜‰

  18. i love this post!! i think its spot on … im a take me as you find me kind of person ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks for linking up with #PoCoLo x

  19. I agree with the more you are on Facebook the more depressed you get. I find myself wondering why friends like posts or photos of other babies over my L. It has a lot to answer for. I have used my blog to air uncertainties about decisions I have made with L, I can see how this comes across as a justification of my parenting tho. It is impossible to be all things to all people and to please everyone. I keep reminding myself of this to keep my voice and blog true to me.

  20. I’m in the minority of still being the one person that sends actual birthday and Christmas cards. People think I’m old-fashioned I’m sure and maybe I am, I just think it’s nicer to put the time and effort in rather than to send an insincere happy birthday wall post or tweet!

    I still use Facebook for social networking but I find I get more interaction on my blog page than with so-called friends. I hate that these platforms make friendship so easily temporary, a lot of people seem to love the immediacy of them but only if they get the response they want. So, no, though sometimes I wish I was a people pleaser, I’m too honest for my own good at times!

    Great post ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. Got to agree with you, times too short to remember what you said to who to keep them happy. #PoCoLo

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