What Marriage Means To Me aka True Love

teamwork

Although I originally took some pointers on how to make a relationship work from Jerry Hall, I think it’s safe to say that you need more than sex, drugs and rock & roll to make a marriage last the distance. Sure those things can be fun, but I feel other ingredients are required to make it long term. Namely compassion, kindness, patience and above all else the ability to communicate.

Apparently we only truly learn anything through failing miserably first. I know that I have learnt my biggest lessons in life through making mistakes, as well as watching the mistakes of others and trying to ensure I don’t end up in the same boat myself. From what I can gather, lack of communication is where most fledgling couples go wrong.

I have no idea how hubby and I would get through the trials and tribulations of parenthood if we were not a cohesive team. If our 4yo knew she could get mummy to agree to the thing daddy just said no to, then she would play us both daily, and win every time. I know for sure it would be a disaster if one of us worked all the hours there are and we never got to spend any quality family time together. If we didn’t talk about our problems, I know for a fact they would build up to the point of hatred and resentment and it would all end in tears.

Being caught up in the mundane, sleep deprived haze of child-rearing, it can be tricky to see the wood for the trees. However, I firmly believe you can get through anything life throws your way as a family if you are a rock solid team. My marriage wasn’t built on a huge fancy wedding, false hopes and empty promises. We had been together for five years first and it was built on a foundation of true love. Of adventures and stories to tell the grand children one day. Of failing miserably first and knowing what we actually wanted out of life before being joined in matrimony, and (more importantly!) bringing our babies into the world.

Here we are now, ten years after meeting and five years of marriage later. We’ve had our ups and downs, and many of them, but we always work through our troubles together. As a team. Because if anything’s going to work, it’s teamwork 🙂

I’ll be adding this post to the #ThemeGame linky over at The Reading Residence and RedPeffer
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41 Comments

  1. June 19, 2014 / 8:11 pm

    I have to completely agree with you on that one, a baby will seldom save a relationship. Lets face it they aren’t babies forever are they, and it’s never easy. Without rock solid foundations I don’t know how you would cope. Which is why lots of people give up (as you said some too easily). I know several couples going through a real hard time at the moment, and am not sure they will survive tbh.

    Glad you and your hubby worked things out. If you have strong suspicions that another baby would tip the balance, then hats off to you for recognising that and stopping at two.

    Marriage and child rearing is bloody hard work, but I can’t imagine doing it without my OH 🙂

  2. June 19, 2014 / 8:05 pm

    What a fab memory that must be for you both! Funny how random people stick in your mind forever 🙂 Congrats to you too xx

  3. June 17, 2014 / 3:57 am

    Thanks Vicki! Us too, we bicker about all the little things, but fortunately agree on the big stuff 🙂

  4. June 16, 2014 / 5:58 pm

    Lovely, adore this post and wise words, we’re a team too (sometime a grouchy, snappy team) but we pull through and are stronger for it! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

  5. June 14, 2014 / 8:57 pm

    Such a true post! Teamwork and communication are so important. We went through a rocky patch after our second baby was born in 2012 (15 month age gap is quite stressful!), but ultimately we share the same values, child-rearing views and sense of humour (we love each other too- that helps!), so we’ve been able to pull it back and are really happy again. Relationships are tough, and without meaning to sound judgmental, I think people quit too easily. I know so many people who have split once the baby arrives or the children are small. If they could hang on a few years, they might see that things do get (a bit!) easier. I never take our relationship for granted though, I think it is always a work in progress. However, we have decided to stop at two children, rather than the dreamt of three, because we’re honestly not sure if we could handle the stress and impact of another baby/child. Sounds clinical, but I think it’s responsible to only have what you both can handle together. Anyone who thinks a baby can help a relationship is bonkers (in my opinion)!

  6. June 12, 2014 / 6:46 am

    Thanks lovely lady. Feels like a lifetime already but you are so right, it’s just the start xx

  7. June 12, 2014 / 6:45 am

    That’s a great rule Cathie, as it sends the right message to the kiddos. Namely don’t even bother trying your luck – if one said no, the other will do too 🙂

  8. June 12, 2014 / 6:42 am

    Ahh that’s lovely hon here’s to your next 18 🙂

  9. June 12, 2014 / 6:42 am

    Thanks for such a lovely comments hon. I definitely think making such monumental mistakes early on is saving me now. I really did used to be my own worst enemy xx

  10. June 12, 2014 / 6:40 am

    This genuinely made me LOL Sam! As long as it’s not all the time, letting off steam is utterly necessary to drive the point home xxx

  11. June 12, 2014 / 6:39 am

    Very true lovely xx

  12. June 12, 2014 / 6:38 am

    Oh dear that’s not good hon! I think 35-40 is where I’ll see the break-ups if they’re destined to happen (and they’ve started already!). Sad times 🙁

  13. June 11, 2014 / 9:06 pm

    I completely agree, lack of communication I think is everything. Everyone i know around me is getting divorce or has and it all seemed to boil down to when it got tough everyone stopped talking!!! You are absolutely right here. Great post. Thanks for linking up to #sharewithme

  14. June 11, 2014 / 7:46 pm

    Absolutely right, without teamwork it would all fall apart pretty quickly. You have to work together, and take turns. It’s a hard slog at times, and you need the support, and the break. Great post x #ShareWithMe

  15. June 11, 2014 / 7:40 pm

    Eek – just read this and it reminded me of a flaming row the hubster and I had which culminated in me slamming the front door so hard that I broke the locking mechanism! :-/ He always reminds me of this now if he ever gets a bit cross! Funnily enough I never used to be a door slamming type either until I met him!

  16. June 11, 2014 / 7:37 pm

    I think you did all the right things hon. You seem to have such a wise head on your shoulders – made your mistakes young, found a good man who was willing to communicate with you through the good times and the bad and is quite obviously the one! I’ve always been a bit rubbish at relationships but the hubster and I have now been together for 8 years which is twice the length of any other relationship I’ve ever had! (which doesn’t mean I don’t want to kill him sometimes mind you 🙂 ) X #sharewithme

  17. Lovely post and I completely agree that team work is one of the key ingredients to making a marriage work. Darren and I have been together for 18 years in Jan, married for 12 of them this September. #sharewithme

  18. June 11, 2014 / 3:52 pm

    Me & the OH often describe ourselves as a tag team and you can often see us high-5ing each other when its time for the other parent to intervene! Seriously, teamwork is ALWAYS the way. W eonly have one rule. We never undermine the other in front of Lucas. if we don’t agree with what the other has done, we wait until he’s left the room and deal with it then. Works for us. Great post #sharewithme

  19. June 11, 2014 / 3:16 pm

    That’s a fab post, about true love, cohesion, consistency and teamwork… love it! 10 years together and that’s only the start. x Mel #SharewithMe

  20. June 11, 2014 / 10:48 am

    Oh my word ain’t that the truth!!

  21. June 11, 2014 / 10:46 am

    You’ve hit the nail on the head there, problems always start when communication stops. It’s keeping those lines always open that can prove tricky. My hubby & I always have a text or email dialogue going through day when he’s at work, just to check in and say hi, here’s what I’m up to. I find this helps, especially when he’s flat out and home late then exhausted when he does get in!

    We are very lucky to have lovely husbands xx

  22. June 11, 2014 / 10:39 am

    Thank you hon. Communication and team work make it all so much easier, which lets face it is far from easy!! I always get really upset for friends that lack husband support, can’t imagine how tough that would make life xx

  23. June 11, 2014 / 10:38 am

    Thanks lovely! Yours and Leigh’s story is pretty impressive 🙂 Sounds like we’re very much on the same page when it comes to marriage and parenting xx

  24. June 11, 2014 / 10:35 am

    So tough, harder than anything else that I will ever do! But so very worth it xx

  25. June 11, 2014 / 10:33 am

    I think making a relationship work in the midst of child rearing is really tough, and it’s so easy to take frustrations out on each other. I think talking the big things through and always owning up and saying sorry when in the wrong helps with damage limitation. Fortunately neither myself or my hubby are the door slamming or storming out types…

  26. June 11, 2014 / 10:27 am

    I agree Alex, hopefully strong foundations will see you through any hardship you may face xx

  27. June 11, 2014 / 8:44 am

    It’s lovely to have such a strong marriage, the foundations are so important and perhaps the most difficult part to get right but once you have that the rest is pretty easy. x #ShareWithMe

  28. June 10, 2014 / 9:14 pm

    When I start to take a look at the complexities of relationships I’m amazed that anyone stays together at all. That makes you amazing!

  29. June 10, 2014 / 7:59 pm

    So well said. Parenting is tough, so teamwork is essential, as much for the kids benefit as for your eon relationship & sanity. Great post, thanks for sharing with #thethemegame x

  30. June 10, 2014 / 3:43 pm

    Such a lovely post, and so spot on about the need for communication and teamwork. Leigh and I have struggled a bit at times over the last eighteen months with him being flat out at college and me basically having to pick up the slack, but whenever we start getting crotchety with each other it’s not long before one of us realises we just need a hug and to talk about what’s going on. And when he is around he is the most fantastic daddy – Arthur and I are very lucky to have him 🙂 xx

  31. Caroline (Becoming a SAHM)
    June 10, 2014 / 3:32 pm

    Lovely post and I couldn’t agree more about so much of it and communication really is the key. You have to be a strong team to survive, particularly when there are children involved. Anyone who thought kids would save a marriage or make it stronger is unfortunately wrong in my opinion. It is not easy and if there are cracks in the foundation to start with then it’s easy to see how it can all fall apart. Hubby and I weren’t together long before we got married and had Monkey, but we had both experienced enough of life to realise that what we had was different, and better than anything we had felt before. As you quite rightly say, you often have to fail miserably before you learn how to do things right! Fab post and yay to happy marriages 🙂 xx #thethemegame

  32. June 10, 2014 / 10:56 am

    You’re right, being able to talk and communicate is the best way to make things work. Problems start when communication stops. And we were together for around 5 years before marriage too-it’s nice to have the time together as a couple isn’t it. We are lucky I think x #thethemegame

  33. June 10, 2014 / 7:37 am

    Marriage can be like a roller coaster but ya’ll sound like you’ve got it in hand.

  34. February 16, 2014 / 1:17 am

    10 years, just like us and we bumped into a random man on Santa Monica Boulevard on our Honeymoon who told us communication is the key – I’ll never forget him and still agree absolutely. Congratulations xx

  35. mummytries
    Author
    February 13, 2014 / 7:09 am

    Thank you 🙂 We especially need to work together when the days are so long, and tension is running high 😉

  36. mummytries
    Author
    February 13, 2014 / 7:08 am

    I feel the same, could never do this without him. We’re very lucky to have our men 🙂

  37. February 12, 2014 / 10:27 pm

    Absolutely! Team work is, and has always been, crucial to our marriage. I know for a fact that I could not do this life without him. Yes he annoys me sometimes but he’s my rock. We probably need to tell them more often! Thank you for linking up 🙂

  38. Mummy Plum
    February 12, 2014 / 10:03 pm

    I agree with you re: teamwork – especially through the sleep deprived nights. I think I’d feel more alone if I had someone there who didn’t help out than if I was on my own! Lovely post.

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