The Grass is Never Greener on the Other Side

A much younger me! c2004

A much younger me c2004

I was supposed to go to River Cottage and hang out with the chefs next week, but had to cancel due to childcare constraints. You can’t imagine how gutted I was when I realised this would be the case, but I think deep deep down, if I’m being honest, I never thought I would end up going. It was a big ask, staying in Devon for two whole days, and I don’t even know if I was ready to be away from the kids and hubby for that long anyway.

Whilst I’m not averse to having a little bit of a sulk when things go south at the last minute, I can take the knocks on the nose. I once had a raging social life, not that you’d ever believe it if you were to see me right now, sitting in my pj’s at 9pm, gearing up to go bed. This isn’t even an early night, it’s just normal bedtime (our only defence against being woken up multiple times every night, by a variation of our three kids, but that’s a whole other story).

I’d be lying if I said a small part of me didn’t feel a little envious when Facebook tells me that my friends are painting the town red, but I console myself with the knowledge that I truly lived life to the max before I had my children. It’s good to remind myself of those times every now and then, as long as the rose coloured spectacles have been removed first.

What I used to be

I used to be the life and soul of the party.
I used to be carefree.
I used to be The Renster.
I used to be everyone’s best freind.
I used to be a borderline alcoholic.
I used to be a mess come Sunday night.
I used to cry myself to sleep, and hope that the pain of a tragic childhood would one day erase itself from my mind.
I used to think the life I have right now would never happen for me. That it would be impossible because I was too messed up.
I used to dream of having a family of my own one day.

What I am now

I am wife to an amazing husband.
I am mummy to three gorgeous children.
I am stable and secure.
I am a friend to many.
I am the head chef of my kitchen.  
I am a writer.
I am a dreamer.
I am tenacious and determined to succeed in life.

To the naked eye I’m just a wife and mum, but I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that I am not ‘just’ anything.

The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. Even with the challenges I face on a daily basis, I would not swap this life with my previous one.

Even if it was a lot of fun in parts.

 

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14 Comments

  1. mummytries
    Author
    October 1, 2015 / 1:30 pm

    It’s always best to focus on what we have, but can be so tricky in the midst of a difficult time!

  2. September 26, 2015 / 10:54 pm

    Totally agree, Renee. It’s so easy to view the present and the past selectively. Neither is ever perfect and it’s definitely better (easier said than done!) to focus on what we have rather than what we may have lost.

  3. mummytries
    Author
    September 22, 2015 / 8:38 am

    Oh you, you’re so so lovely to me Denise! Thank you. Really hope you’re keeping well hon x

  4. September 21, 2015 / 8:53 pm

    What you also are now:
    You glow with health due to your diet, which you worked out all for yourself.
    You manage to keep positive and take the most out of your life.
    You are #46 in the Tots 100, with your beautifully designed and inspiring blog.
    You are just a lovely, amazing person.

  5. mummytries
    Author
    September 21, 2015 / 6:28 pm

    That’s exactly it, we’re laying the foundations for our young family’s, and that absolutely has to be the number one priority. Can still sometimes feel like a bit of a kick in the teeth though, when it looks like absolutely everyone else is out and about having tons of fun xx

  6. mummytries
    Author
    September 21, 2015 / 6:26 pm

    Hope you’re feeling okay about it by now hon, sorry this comment is a few days too late to be of any comfort! I’m sure you’ll have a brilliant time. Really hope I get to meet you some day soon x

  7. mummytries
    Author
    September 21, 2015 / 6:25 pm

    You are too kind mon chéri, can’t wait to see you too xxx

  8. mummytries
    Author
    September 21, 2015 / 6:24 pm

    Ooh la la, wasn’t dazzling the pants off people fun 😉 xx

  9. mummytries
    Author
    September 21, 2015 / 6:24 pm

    It really does, a little reflection does me the world of good at times like these xx

  10. September 20, 2015 / 7:42 am

    It’s very very true, the grass Is not greenery but its not often we remember. And sometimes it does take reflection like this for some to realise what they have. A really good reminder post x

  11. September 18, 2015 / 9:29 am

    Love this and spot on and what I love is those who might deem all of us as ‘just’ and we dazzle/suprise/shock the pants off them (not literally-that was pre-husband and babies) haha, love you, keep being amazing. I say no to things or can’t make them all the time, amazing things but there’s never a limit to those events remember that x

  12. September 17, 2015 / 10:50 pm

    You are such an amazing, strong person, Reneé! Love you loads. Can’t wait to catch up next week. xxx

  13. September 17, 2015 / 9:46 pm

    I know exactly how you feel, sometimes I reminisce about what we used to be free to do pre-the boys (extremely tame by your standards:-) ) but I look at my life now and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

    P.S. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’m leaving the boys overnight for the first time since Josh was born until I read your post the other day. Feeling a bit strange about it now!

  14. September 17, 2015 / 9:26 pm

    I love your philosophical approach to life Ren. And you’re right – you’re not ‘just’ anything and (especially when we had our kids a bit older) we can all look back and say I did some amazing stuff and I’ll do some amazing stuff again but this is just not that time – this is the time we build our family’s foundations (a different kind of amazing) and take the disappointments on the chin and remember to count all of our many blessings. Gorgeous pic of a younger you by the way Xx

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